Birthdays and Memorials
Birthdays and Memorials

Wow, has time been flying. It seems like yesterday I was writing my last email newsletter, while in reality it was two full months ago. So much has happened; so much new content has been produced and published, this new blog is in the works, I’ve survived another year in this wild wild world, and another friend has moved on to become an ancestor.

Today, I’m feeling grounded; feeling the humid breeze come through my window to touch my face and dance between my Prayer Plant’s leaves. I’m learning to propogate this spring, and my first plant baby has grown a tiny stem out from the dirt, originally from an ivy that creeps down my bookshelf. It brings me pure joy to see him grow.

Barely two weeks ago was my birthday. Reaching 28 truly feels like a miracle. I'm one of those people who never thought I'd make it to see 16, or 18, or 21, or 25 years old. Maybe it was superstition, maybe depression or a tough adolesence, maybe it was being a millenial brought into a world with constant war, exploitation, oppression, climate crises, and destruction around us on the daily. 27 was the last 'scary year' in my head (27 Club phenomenon no doubt). It felt like, if I could make it through this year, I may actually live long enough to grow old. So when COVID-19 hit, as an autoimmune chronically ill person, doing 'riskier' in-person contact work to pay my bills, I really felt doomed, like my life is too painfully ironic to let me live! Well, I'm grateful to say that I’m still here. And something in the air is different this spring. Maybe I'll still die next week in some freak accident, but a huge part of me feels like I may actually age and get to live a full life in a way that I never thought I would before. Life is a really beautiful, precious, messy thing.

I’ve been reflecting on this fact even more now that I’ve lost a friend, Miss Velvet. I worked with Miss Velvet several times for The Lust Garden films, as well as considered them a dear friend. The last time I saw them, we danced all night, dressed to the nines, polished off more bottles of champagne than could fit on the hotel dresser, and laughed ourselves to sleep in a giant cuddle puddle on the bed (I think there were five of us that slept on that queen). Velvet was a radiant, powerful being. Being in their presence was such a calming joy, the kind that just resets you and fills your soul. Their smile and laugh could put you at complete ease; the kind of person that everyone is drawn to. The kind who challenges you, and holds you up, and inspires you to be better. But the kind who is also a relief to be around, who you don’t have to perform for. The kind who is so compassionate and always has the funny quips. Someone who is effortlessly cool.

They are often referred to as ‘The Domme Who Makes Their Submissives Read Black Feminist Theory.’ They were beyond smart or talented or skillful. They revolutionized the entire femdom industry while inspiring a generation of Black queer and trans people, dominatrices, and sex workers around the globe. And they did it with such non-challant ease, just falling into like a passion that chooses you. They were absolutely prolific. I knew them only as a friend and sex work peer, but they were an invaluable pillar to several harm reduction, political justice organizing, and non-profit communities as well. After the news of Velvet’s passing went public, I had several friends reach out to me and share that they too were greiving Velvet, Minneapolis friends that I had no idea were even aware of them. Their memorial was similiar, people literally flew in from all over the country, even crossing oceans, to say goodbye.

I’m not sure if they ever really knew the full scope or impact they had on others. I can almost hear it, me trying to convince them of their value, telling them how amazing they are, and then the self-depreciating joke they’d make in response to play it off. I wish they could have had more time here. I wish they could have had more time for themself. I wish they could have had more time to know that they were, indeed, enough. I wish their burden to be everything for everyone could have been lessened. I wish they could have been more free. I wish I could hug them and laugh with them one more time. I, along with hundreds, maybe thousands of others, am grieving them. The whole world feels less complete without them, like a hole in the atmosphere; something constant and present. I feel it like a weight on my shoulders, like a heavy backpack I can’t yet take off. Someone told me that grief is like a circle that always stays the same size. It never goes away, shrinks, or disappears. Your life just grows around it. I have been holding that in my heart a lot the last two weeks.

We truly lost a one-in-a-million spirit on this Earth. I am taking their wisdom and holding them with me, moving towards a life that would hopefully make them proud and that may someday honor them. That began with popping a bottle of champagne in their name, and cherishing moments that I was able to spend grieving and celebrating them with friends. I am heartbroken and devastated, yet glad that they can finally be at peace and rest. I hope that they have everything this world could not give them in the next. There is really nothing like losing someone you love to remind you how important it is to appreciate those you have near.

If you want to honor Velvet, you can do so by donating to their memorial fund, listening to this podcast, by reading Black feminist or Marxist theory, and by listening to, donating to, making space for, and following the leadership of Black people.

Rococo RoyalleLife, Storytime, Chicago, Miss Velvet
Twin Cities Tart: An Introduction
Twin Cities Tart: An Introduction
All photos in this post by Garrett Born

All photos in this post by Garrett Born

I thought it fitting that my first formal blog post would be an introduction. I sat down with my friend for this little chat in May of 2021.

I: Let’s start with the most important question of all, how are you doing today? How have you been?

R: Oh! That’s a good one isn’t it? When you can answer honestly and not out of some social expectation, right? Hm… I’m doing okay. This week has been sunny in Minneapolis and it’s actually kept at a nice lovely spring temp for a good amount of time. The pain of existing in my chronically ill body is minimal. I’m making a lot of plans to shoot with sexy friends this upcoming month. I’m spending time bonding with my bunnies, and working out consistently, so I can’t complain. It hasn’t been the most exciting, but life is alright. Sometimes calm and stable is all you can ask for.

I: That’s super great to hear. It sounds like you’ve been laying low but taking care of yourself as well, that’s good... So tell me about Rococo. Who is Rococo Royalle? How did she come to be?

R: So the name itself, Rococo Royalle, comes from two things. Rococo is the name of a French art movement, a loose translation for the word for ‘shell.’ It’s often associated with things like Marie-Antoinette, pastels and gold leaf, and orgies in the 18th century. Now, I’m not a fan of the gross hoarding of wealth, or monarchy, but I am really into harmless hedonism, playfulness, being absurdly over-the-top and without reservation, and indulging in life’s greatest pleasures. So when I was learning about the movement during an art-history class in college, while at the same time dipping my toes into performing in porn, it just hit me. Like, this shit is ridiculous, it’s amazing, it’s campy, mainstream society hates it; it’s just like porn! So Rococo was born. And Royalle, that was inspired by the late Candida Royalle, who I had also been learning about while studying up on porn history around the same time. She was one of the first women to perform in and direct mainstream porn during the golden age, and was one of the frontiers for the more feminist or ethical porn we see today. A lot of people see my last name and think of the cheeseburger scene from Pulp Fiction, you know, the ‘Royale with cheese,’ scene? And I’m cool with that association too!

I: That’s such a fun little backstory, I actually didn’t even know all that about you! You mentioned studying porn and getting into it in college. Can you say more about that? How did you decide to get into the porn industry, and was that where you began in sex work?

R: Yeah, totally. So I actually was really off-put by porn for a long time. I wasn’t anti-porn persay, but I had a lot of misconceptions about it and some lingering shame due to being raised Lutheran as kid, and that being pretty traumatic and sex negative for me. So I never watched it, except say, maybe once or twice as a dare or something silly like that. And during my first year in college, during a writing class, we were given this semester long writing assignment. We could chose whatever topic we wanted, but it would be the only thing we did those three months, and would turn into a 20,000 word piece or something like that at the end. I kept thinking, what was something that I could really look into and learn about for that long without getting bored? And I had just gotten to a place where I was curious about porn, I was questioning those messages I had received about it, but didn’t know how I actually felt. So I began reading both pro-porn and anti-porn feminist books, starting with the latter, and I quickly realized that I just didn’t agree with the really reductive second-wave arguments that any of them laid out. Like, at all! I kept finding myself yelling at the writers and throwing the books around! By the time I got to the pro-porn lit I was already super stoked about the potential of using porn as a means for feminist and queer self expression, and of course, college tuition was due, so from there on I was practically screaming on rooftops about how cool porn was and how I wanted to participate. Coming from that really uptight, all-sex-is-bad-and-will-get-you-pregnant-or-die background really set me up to be empowered by it, ironically enough.

I: So that’s it then, you read McKinnon, called bullshit, and then decided to get naked on the web? How did that go? How did it bring you to the escorting work you do now in Minneapolis?

Photo by Garrett Born

R: Essentially! It was pretty fun. I was doing mostly nude work and a lot of self portraits for school so it just made a lot of sense. I was also modeling for artists and friends already, so taking nude gigs on Model Mayhem came easy as well. Back then you could actually do that; make money on Model Mayhem. I started camming, which was more difficult because I had no idea what to expect and had to do it while my dorm-mates where all out and about. I wasn’t as good at it because I couldn’t ever commit to the schedule. From there I got on a lot of the clip sites and starting making mostly solo porn, sometimes convincing a partner or friend to join me. None of it really went anywhere until 2015 or so, when I met my first sex worker friend, Nicki Sunshine. Meeting them really opened my eyes to the hustle and how to get yourself out there. I did a stint in mainstream porn in LA around 2016, and off and on until 2018, but it wasn’t as exciting as I’d hoped. It was fun for sure, but I was really an indie porn girl by that point and preferred to choose my scene partners and the kind of sex we’d have. So I just focused on shooting with hotties I’d met on sex work Twitter instead. It was around that time too, 2016 or so, that I began meeting other sex workers in Minneapolis, slowly networking and making more slutty friends, that I learned how to get into escorting safely. And honestly, it’s been my favorite form of work of them all. I just love how intimate and personal it can be. The rest is history!

I: Wow, I didn’t know you’ve been around for that long. Thank you for that timeline!

R: Yeah, I’m not someone who blew up overnight or went viral. I really took my time, learned what worked for me, and built it all up slowly. A lot of my fans and followers have been watching me from the very beginning, and that is seriously so humbling and fucking cool. Hence being a ‘cult classic.’ I’m kind of niche in this strange way. I’m not a hardcore tattooed femdom mistress, and I’m not just the typical girl-next-door. I’m a real weirdo, but in all the right ways…. And in some, I feel like I’m just starting to really see the seeds grow. It’s been a lot of work, but going full time a couple years ago really made a difference and forced me to take it more seriously. Sometimes, I feel like a complete boss. I’m excited to see where this industry can take me and what I can continue to get out of it.

I: It seems like it’s taken you so far already. You do a lot of traveling normally too, isn’t that right?

R: Oh my god, yes. I’ve been able to travel so much! I miss it like crazy! I’ve been to Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam, Maui, Iceland, and around the Yucatan because of this job. I was even able to take my family to the Grand Canyon and Vegas, which we had always talked about doing but couldn’t ever afford. And not to mention the many, many deep friendships I’ve made with clients and other sex workers in so many cities across the globe. I’m so grateful for the relationships, being brought into someone’s world for a moment, and being able to explore with them. Especially when I get to bring my camera and take some photos while we’re out and about! At the end of the day, I still think of myself as this shy, goofy, small town kid, so to be able to see the world is just so amazing to me. I remember the first time I was in New York. In my head, New York wasn’t even real, it was just a place in the movies with pretty brownstones and cabs and filthy subways. Then I was there, with my feet on the concrete. Like, little old me, is here, in this place with all this history. It’s funny because when I travel I always stand out like a sore thumb; the obnoxious tourist looking up all the time and stopping for a million photos. But that’s how I am, I’m in awe of the colors and the architecture and the way the people interact and the smells and sounds. Every place brings something different to the table and I love getting to wander around and take it all in. Like an alley cat or something. And I can’t get enough of the subways!

I: You sound like you’d be fun to travel with. What is your dream vacation? And do you have any travel plans for the future?

R: Aw, you’re so sweet! I’m not planning any international travel until we are post-pandemic, or it’s at least much more stable than it is now. I’m trying to focus on exploring some more of the U.S. and doing some road-trips and hiking this summer! I’m actually really excited, because I haven’t done any road-tripping for years, and there’s so much I haven’t even seen here in my home country. As for my dream vacation, anything with a warm sun on my back, fresh air, and fresh food. Oh! And anything with a beach!


Photo by Garrett Born
Photo by Garrett Born

I: And what about back home? What is your ideal date in Minneapolis?

R: You know, funny enough, there is still so much of Minnesota that I have yet to see too. Going back to my travel plans, this summer I’d like to visit more of our state parks. I don’t have one ideal, because I have too many interests to even begin narrowing it down. But for me, it would have to be any date that includes beautiful art or architecture, live music or theatre, foreign films, nature, or good local food, preferably on a cute patio with a nice summer breeze. I like the lavish things like massages at spas and champagne, but I’m just as happy getting filthy in the woods or going to a punk show. I will say, I’m a sucker for thoughtfulness and sweet gestures though. Even handpicked cards with a little notes saying how much a client is happy to meet can make me melt inside.


I: Who is your ideal escorting client? And what do you think draws clients to you? What is it like to book you as an escort in Minneapolis?

R: Hm, those are some good questions! Ideal client… You know, I can’t really answer that in a specific sense. My clients really do come from all walks of life, and I really enjoy that. I tend to get a lot of people who value a real connection with escorts or providers, who have a desire to be seen and validated, who may have some interests that they are too shy to explore with other people in their life, or who are just artsy, creative types. I also get people who just have a thing for redheads, which is fun too! I like fulfilling fantasies, and have quite a thing for redheads myself! As for booking me, I definitely ask for a bit more from my clients from the get-go. And I know this can be a huge turn-off for some, but after being in the industry for a few years now, I’ve really refined the way I do things to figure out what works best for me. Ultimately it helps me weed out time-wasters so I can use the limited amount of energy I do have being present with the people who actually deserve it, and are ready to share space with me in return.


I: I also know that you do a sliding scale rate for some people, which is less common in the escort or companionship world. Can you tell me more about that and what inspired it?

R: So I do sliding scale rates for women, trans people, People of Color, and people with disabilities. Capitalism is a bitch to us all, but significantly moreso for these groups, so I wanted to be able to try and compensate for some of that structural inequality in a way. It can be a delicate issue though, like some people are very proud of the money they earn and don’t want to feel like they’re being handed a freebie or aren’t able to pay me what I’m ‘truly valued.’ Which is all valid, and kind of why I have it on my site and let people reach out to me about it if they’re interested. It’s such a complex issue, and I never want to invalidate anyone with the offer of course, just make things more accessible while still being able to take care of myself and my needs at the same time. With disabled people specifically, honestly, my whole process of coming to terms with my own chronic illness was part of it, along with the fact that I have a handful of awesome disabled friends who have educated me immensely. I really like how Tristan Taromino puts it, that we are all temporarily able-bodied, and as I’ve dealt with my illnesses over the past few years, I’ve really started to understand the gravity of that. I’ve learned a lot about how society limits disabled people or people with disabilities in a physical accessibility sort of way, but also in the ways that stigma prevents them from accessing intimacy, sexuality, and care the way that others might. It’s this interesting balance between recognizing that no one is entitled to any of those things from anyone, but they still deserve those things. So, although I’m no saint, I’m really happy to have the privilege be able to do this one little thing. Especially since I have a good amount of experience working with people with disabilities already. And of course, disabled people are hot!


Photo by Garrett Born

I: Hell yeah! I personally would love to see more escorts and providers be open to meeting disabled people. It just seems like such a basic thing to me.

R: I agree completely.


I: I want to pivot to your digital content for a minute. You’re doing a lot on OnlyFans these days as well right? How has that been for you?

R: OnlyFans has seriously been amazing! I’ve been creating content on various platforms for years but OnlyFans has just been particularly great for me. I’m sure part of it is the mainstreaming of the platform itself; people are familiar with the brand and paying for porn is becoming less stigmatized with that. But I also feel like I was just in a chronic state of content burnout for so long. I’d been kicked off Patreon during their sex worker sweep, and some other platforms the same year that FOSTA/SESTA passed. That really killed my motivation and just filled me with so much dread that I couldn’t bring myself to create anymore. Then OnlyFans came around and just really blew up so fast. I feel so fucking blessed that I have fans there who have been following me since my first porno like seven years ago, and it’s been especially helpful while business was slow or I wasn’t seeing clients in person due to COVID. I’ve been getting back into taking SLR self portraits as well which is super exciting, because it’s this intersection of creative process and work income that hits a real sweet spot for me. Honestly I have been so fully ‘in it’ that I have more ideas than I can possibly shoot! I’m really looking forward to doing more of it. Now I’m just hoping that the platform doesn’t disappear due to all these credit card and online porn bans happening right now.


I: Oh my god, yes. What a real point. Well, I’ve been loving what I’ve seen of yours, so congrats on that! I guess we can finish up now with my last couple of questions here… What are some of your goals for the future? For your escort and porn career in Minneapolis and beyond? What are you manifesting? What’s on the Rococo Royalle horizon?

R: Goals… Gosh, I have a lot of financial milestones that I’d like to reach. Coming from a working class family, I never really thought I’d be in the position that I’m in now, so I’m really trying to doing the best I can with the opportunities that I have. I’d like to be able to travel and shoot with other performers again soon because I really love working with other people. I’d love to be able to start directing smut films of others again! And I’m working on my photography skills so that I can take ad photos for all my hot friends! I’d love to be able to travel more and go on some Fly Me To You’s once it’s safer, but that’s further down the road. So I guess I’m manifesting all of that, as well as good health and some kind of equilibrium. Manifesting more time with loved ones and in nature the most!


I: Oh, what a cute note to end on. Thanks for letting me interview you!

R: Oh my gosh, no, thank you. This has been so fun!

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you. I hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know me a little better, and that someday I can do the same.

xoxo,

Rococo

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